practical and meaningful

I am not afraid

My daughter just turned 13  and despite the warnings of what is to come, I am not afraid.

I am taking responsibility for making these the best years of our relationship and I plan to do everything I can to connect with her (and her friends), and to be there for her.

To guide her, to listen to her, to encourage her, to heal her, to respect her, to be in awe of her, to talk to her, to know her, to give her space, to keep her close, to open doors for her, to protect her, to empower her, to like her, to drive her around, to learn from her, to be there for her, to help her with homework, to feed her good food, to tell her I am proud of her, to photograph her, to love her.

Being her mom, is an honor and it is the most important thing I can do right in the world.

time and effort and reflection

The other day I was talking to a friend  about the cafe and all of a suddent I got it. The fact that I have a restaurant had not quite sunk in until that moment. It was sort of magical.

When you are creating something, you are in it and doing it and making it happen- and sometimes it is hard to step back and actually see what you have done.

Life takes time and effort...and moments of pause to reflect.

 

my one and only

I always  wanted only one . After she was born, my husband and I would talk about it and we were both good with one. Twelve years later and I know it was the right decision for us. 

I truly believe that having more kids was not my path to more happiness. I love my one and I have never regretted not having more children. I love each new phase and I welcome her growing up. She is pretty good at it.

Of course I worry about all the normal stuff. Will she be a good person? Will she find her way in the world? Is she  lonely? So far, so good. She likes to share. She has good friends. She is close to both of us. She seems to be compatible with life.

I am grateful for the parts of life that favor a smaller family -ease with travel, saving for college, quality time, organization, and simplicity.

It is a personal choice - a deep knowing  in your bones of what is right for you.  I love my one and only and I know it was right for us.

 

 

 

 

food porn

photographer + foodie = food porn

being in deep

We value the parts of our lives that we have invested in - with our time, our selves, and our money.

And yet, time moves so quickly that it is hard to keep up and keep everything pretty and stay in love with what used to move you, and to enjoy all that you have.

This feeling has been bearing down on me of late - a sense of inability to do it all and a deeper inability to appreciate it all.

I walk around my full life and see only the things that need cleaning or fixing. I find it hard to step back from all that I have to do to appreciate what I have done. I just keep going and doing because I am in deep. 

A perfect example is my patio garden that falters between pathetic and thriving.  I can never quite get the flow of creating it and maintaining it.  I seem to keep repeating this cycle of paying attention to it only to let it fall to the wayside when I get busy. I want to keep it going and thriving because I love it and I chose it. Instead, I keep investing in plants, refinishing the furniture and not spending any quality time out there.

If I am not enjoying it, and it adds to my work load, is it serving me? 

I do the work to keep it going, but keep forgetting to enjoy it in between. That is not very practical or meaningful.

 

practical love

‘There is nothing more practical than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.’ Rev Fr Pedro Arrupe SJ

He wanted heels with rainbows

My daughter was invited to celebrate her friend s' 12th birthday and she made him a pair of custom high heel shoes - which were at the top of his wish list.  Made with Sharpies and love. And HEART.

Regroup and rethink

This year is off and running and I find myself holding on with all my might to navigate the twists and turns that life has provided.  2013 will be a time to regroup and rethink....everything.

Already leaning towards creating a more simple life at the end of 2012 - I welcome the opportunity to regroup and rethink everything we do, have, need, use, store, and create. I want our life to make sense. I want our stuff to be useful. I want to discard what we no longer need or use. I want to create space to be a family together. I want to be free to travel and find adventures.

                                       I want to live our life, not just keep it going.

 

friendship & social media

The rules have changed.

When I was growing up, all my friends lived within walking distance and we were able to interact organically.  We went to the local school and our parents all knew each other. We did not set up play dates. We did not communicate on instagram or via text. The world was less complicated and yet, more connected.

These days we send our kids to Charter schools and Private schools - which means the kids come from all different parts of the city in search of a great education.  Academically, these schools are a godsend, but Socially,  they are a challenge. Creating connections outside of school is difficult. People are busy and parents are busy. Trying to connect takes effort and persistence.

We have not quite cracked the code for making and keeping plans with friends. There is a lot of coordination and  a lot of driving involved. It is not clear whether the kids should make the plans and coordinate with the parents - or vice versa. We have had mixed success with both.

These days my daughter will have a playdate via facetime (both girls are in their own room talking and interacting as if they were together) which is very practical and somewhat meaningful. 

Moving forward, I hope to figure out ways to nuture the friendships,  not get swallowed up  or sidetracked by social media , and find ways to create authentic connection.

good advice from a 90 year old woman

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.



12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

39. The best is yet to come...

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."